We cried all day, we woke up and cried some more. Z is so angry, she feels betrayed, by her own body, by her friends for not believing what she suspected.

K is devastated that his baby is gone, that his first born is heartbroken that his wife is losing base with reality. We hung up the ultrasound on the wall to honor baby. All the friends that are in the most unhealthy relationships are the ones telling us to not give up and asking us when we're going to have more. We might not. I don't care. Any other babies are NOT going to replace the one I lost. My first baby. It's gone. I had one friend so insensitive tell me she didn't want either one of her kids and she makes me appreciate them more. How is that comforting? They have no idea what we went to get this far. They just look at their partner and they get knocked up (no joke, 3-5 kids in 4-7 years) 

Z and K's first year anniversary was May 23, 2015. What a great memory of year one. 

We lost the baby.
I knew it. I was right. I knew it.
So many feelings, so many thoughts.

It's the dating ultrasound, we brought our 5 year old after being reassured it's fine because my pregnancy is "perfect"....baby stopped growing 8 days after our last ultrasound  5 weeks ago. The baby died 4 weeks ago. It's still in my uterus. There's no heart. My poor 5 year old. My husband, my poor baby.
It's called a missed miscarriage. My body doesn't realize anything went wrong. It could've been the Prometrium prolonging it. But I stop immediately. I have three options, Try to pass it naturally, induce with Misoprostol (aka the "abortion pill) or I can have a D&C (an abortion except in this case the fetus' heart has already stopped)

Z started cramping on Friday, and when she wiped, there was brown blood (old blood) but a few hours later, red blood. She went to the Emergency Room. here in the south it's awful, it's basically urgent care. The doctor looked at the cervix to make sure it was closed (it was) and drew some blood, her hCG levels were perfect. Doctor said everything points to a perfect pregnancy. Doctor said sometimes bleeding happens. Called regular doctor in the morning and was squeezed in. Regular OB said that I hav enothing to worry. The risks of losing the baby are slim to none, I relax, I'll see the heartbeat on Tuesday.